Procrastination, that is what I did most of this weekend. I procrastinated on taking all of our things out of our pantry and laundry room so that the construction can begin tomorrow on a first floor handicap accessible bathroom with a shower made large enough for a shower chair and a caregiver. I did not realize that it was possible to have grief over a powder room, but it is and my tears this morning as I emptied the pantry and cleared out the laundry room were proof. I guess it really wasn't the powder room that I was grieving, but the change and the reason for it. Most of us have paged through home magazines and surfed Pinterest gathering home decorating ideas, pretty decor for the space we live in...I know I had ideas, put aside for one day when we remodel the kitchen or paint the family room. My ideas just never included a wheelchair accessable bathroom or double stair rails, or a ramp out my front door. I took the future for granted and I admittedly had ideas for the someday. This morning, I moarned the loss of that stupid poweder room, which; trust me is not that great anyway. I didn't like the idea that we had to change our house for this disease. I emptied the pantry and laundry room alone, grieved by myself, and then as quickly as the tears came on, I said a little prayer...dear God, from the bottom of my heart I want to thank you for being with me all the way. For never leaving me...and...for loving me and my family. Please help me turn my saddness into a positive. Thank You. I quickly packed up the pantry and the laundry room, cleaned house too, throwing about three trash bags full of junk that I didn't even know was in there away. I made myself a cup of coffee and sat down with the catalogs the home remodeling guy left to look at my new tile for our new first floor bathroom. I said another little prayer thanking God for the Panther's, the Freeze Out Friendly and our community for helping us to be able to achieve this bathroom remodel.
Bert came down stairs, he was talking about the cat food, something about us needing hairball formula...he then took the vacuum from the closet and began vacuuming the pantry. I immediately felt guilty for feeling sorry for myself, here he is ALS and all, talking about cat food and running the vacuum...I smiled because I was grateful for God's little shot of reality to put me in my place. I was once again grateful for today, for the fact that Bert could still vacuum and that he didn't seem to bat an eye at the pantry or the loss of the powder room. I asked him later how he felt about the bathroom starting tomorrow, he looked at me puzzled, what do you mean he asked...I said ya know how do you "feel" about the bathroom remodel starting tomorrow? He responded with "It is what it is...I mean what am I gonna do cry about it?" I didn't dare tell him that's what I had been doing earlier. That's my husband, easy going, not a worrier ( I do enough of that for all of us), the kids, well they probably won't even notice anything is different...they were worried about jumping on the trampoline and playing outside. Turns out this was just another lesson in life, that material things don't mean anything really, who cares about a powder room or a pantry...that a home is really about who you share it with...a family who loves eachother makes it a home, and that change will happen; but if you change your perspective then you can change your reality.
The reality is that ALS may have brought changes. We may need double railings for stairs, we may need a first floor bathroom and a wheelchair ramp for the future, but as long as we continue to learn, grow, laugh, love, believe and have hope everything will be ok. And everything will be ok doesn't always mean that everything will stay the same.
xoxo Jennfier
Bert came down stairs, he was talking about the cat food, something about us needing hairball formula...he then took the vacuum from the closet and began vacuuming the pantry. I immediately felt guilty for feeling sorry for myself, here he is ALS and all, talking about cat food and running the vacuum...I smiled because I was grateful for God's little shot of reality to put me in my place. I was once again grateful for today, for the fact that Bert could still vacuum and that he didn't seem to bat an eye at the pantry or the loss of the powder room. I asked him later how he felt about the bathroom starting tomorrow, he looked at me puzzled, what do you mean he asked...I said ya know how do you "feel" about the bathroom remodel starting tomorrow? He responded with "It is what it is...I mean what am I gonna do cry about it?" I didn't dare tell him that's what I had been doing earlier. That's my husband, easy going, not a worrier ( I do enough of that for all of us), the kids, well they probably won't even notice anything is different...they were worried about jumping on the trampoline and playing outside. Turns out this was just another lesson in life, that material things don't mean anything really, who cares about a powder room or a pantry...that a home is really about who you share it with...a family who loves eachother makes it a home, and that change will happen; but if you change your perspective then you can change your reality.
The reality is that ALS may have brought changes. We may need double railings for stairs, we may need a first floor bathroom and a wheelchair ramp for the future, but as long as we continue to learn, grow, laugh, love, believe and have hope everything will be ok. And everything will be ok doesn't always mean that everything will stay the same.
xoxo Jennfier
RSS Feed
