Pause a moment, and listen; consider the wonderful things God does. ~job 37:14
I find it difficult to pause and listen in the face of adversity and suffering. It’s so much easier to scream to the heavens and ask why? But…the righteous keep moving forward ~job 17:9
It is easy to question and ask why and much harder to stay focused on God and what is good. I have been reading Job. He is a “good” man yet suffers, but in the end, stays faithful. God helps Job to be brave; in keeping hope Job displays courage. The journey is not easy, Job struggles. I know that you can do all things no purpose of yours can be thwarted ~job 42:2
ALS causes suffering, it presents challenges, one after another; every day. Any terminal illness and many other set backs and struggles in life also present challenges. I write from the point of view of my own suffering but these verses can teach in so many different circumstances.
As each hurdle presents itself it is easy to question, to begin to wonder why? I find I am failing daily at meeting each new challenge as a caregiver; however, God is there to help me be brave and continues to provide HOPE. Every day I try again.
I am constantly readjusting my focus to what is good. A stumble in the road happens like yesterday when Bert needed the bathroom at the same time I had to leave to pick up kids from camp. I became frustrated with the difficult transfer and the pressure of having to rush. Resentment flooded me and anger toward ALS and what this disease does to the human body. I was overwhelmed with my husband’s floppy body and stiff legs dangling over my already painful shoulder during the transfer...this once athletic, independent, strong man reduced to a rag doll by ALS. I snapped how I am tired of this caregiving! I quickly transferred him back to his chair when he was finished and left him whimpering with my daughter as I ran out the door. I failed. I let my suffering over take the situation and had no regard for my husband’s suffering in that moment. I knew I shouldn’t have snapped at him and I felt bad immediately.
God quickly humbled me through my daughter and later my son. Sometimes we may be looking for a sign, calling out for something to be placed in front of us to show us the way. Those signs are usually there, we may be over looking them even though they are right in front of us. God showed himself through my children. When I became frustrated my daughter stepped in and was both nonjudgmental toward me and kind and loving with her dad. When I returned home, he was resting comfortably in his wheelchair with his arms propped on a pillow and Sophia providing comfort in simple conversation. I grumbled to my son that I was late “because of dad and the bathroom” …Alex responded with a simple no big deal and joked with his dad, taking his side in all matters. That’s Alex’s special way of providing comfort to his dad, he takes his side always and in turn makes him laugh. When my faith wavers I can just look at my children and it is renewed.
I apologized for my snippy attitude and was forgiven. We both apologize daily to each other. Marriage is not easy and navigating an illness makes it super hard some days. We both must work at it. We acknowledge we are not perfect and we will make mistakes and fail; but we also have HOPE and we continue working at it. It’s hard to accept things not turning out how we planned in life; I’m human, I wish they were different. But I will continue to work daily to not dwell on the questions and focus on the good.
And there is so much good. I was asked the question what am I happy for this Friday? There was so much it took a paragraph for me to answer. I am happy for God, for another stable good week for Bert, the wonderful hospice staff who help me daily, my family who are always there for us, our friends who are willing to embark on this messy journey with us and continue to think of us and love us, my children who are steadfast human beings in our lives…the most amazing gift. Just because life is hard at times doesn’t mean we cannot face challenges, keep our faith, and be happy. God gave me the special gift of this life and I plan to work at it and make it count daily.
He performs wonders that cannot be fathomed, miracles that cannot be counted. ~job 5:9
xx ~Jennifer
I find it difficult to pause and listen in the face of adversity and suffering. It’s so much easier to scream to the heavens and ask why? But…the righteous keep moving forward ~job 17:9
It is easy to question and ask why and much harder to stay focused on God and what is good. I have been reading Job. He is a “good” man yet suffers, but in the end, stays faithful. God helps Job to be brave; in keeping hope Job displays courage. The journey is not easy, Job struggles. I know that you can do all things no purpose of yours can be thwarted ~job 42:2
ALS causes suffering, it presents challenges, one after another; every day. Any terminal illness and many other set backs and struggles in life also present challenges. I write from the point of view of my own suffering but these verses can teach in so many different circumstances.
As each hurdle presents itself it is easy to question, to begin to wonder why? I find I am failing daily at meeting each new challenge as a caregiver; however, God is there to help me be brave and continues to provide HOPE. Every day I try again.
I am constantly readjusting my focus to what is good. A stumble in the road happens like yesterday when Bert needed the bathroom at the same time I had to leave to pick up kids from camp. I became frustrated with the difficult transfer and the pressure of having to rush. Resentment flooded me and anger toward ALS and what this disease does to the human body. I was overwhelmed with my husband’s floppy body and stiff legs dangling over my already painful shoulder during the transfer...this once athletic, independent, strong man reduced to a rag doll by ALS. I snapped how I am tired of this caregiving! I quickly transferred him back to his chair when he was finished and left him whimpering with my daughter as I ran out the door. I failed. I let my suffering over take the situation and had no regard for my husband’s suffering in that moment. I knew I shouldn’t have snapped at him and I felt bad immediately.
God quickly humbled me through my daughter and later my son. Sometimes we may be looking for a sign, calling out for something to be placed in front of us to show us the way. Those signs are usually there, we may be over looking them even though they are right in front of us. God showed himself through my children. When I became frustrated my daughter stepped in and was both nonjudgmental toward me and kind and loving with her dad. When I returned home, he was resting comfortably in his wheelchair with his arms propped on a pillow and Sophia providing comfort in simple conversation. I grumbled to my son that I was late “because of dad and the bathroom” …Alex responded with a simple no big deal and joked with his dad, taking his side in all matters. That’s Alex’s special way of providing comfort to his dad, he takes his side always and in turn makes him laugh. When my faith wavers I can just look at my children and it is renewed.
I apologized for my snippy attitude and was forgiven. We both apologize daily to each other. Marriage is not easy and navigating an illness makes it super hard some days. We both must work at it. We acknowledge we are not perfect and we will make mistakes and fail; but we also have HOPE and we continue working at it. It’s hard to accept things not turning out how we planned in life; I’m human, I wish they were different. But I will continue to work daily to not dwell on the questions and focus on the good.
And there is so much good. I was asked the question what am I happy for this Friday? There was so much it took a paragraph for me to answer. I am happy for God, for another stable good week for Bert, the wonderful hospice staff who help me daily, my family who are always there for us, our friends who are willing to embark on this messy journey with us and continue to think of us and love us, my children who are steadfast human beings in our lives…the most amazing gift. Just because life is hard at times doesn’t mean we cannot face challenges, keep our faith, and be happy. God gave me the special gift of this life and I plan to work at it and make it count daily.
He performs wonders that cannot be fathomed, miracles that cannot be counted. ~job 5:9
xx ~Jennifer
