Just as predicted life keeps moving, the seasons keep changing and spring is here; with it comes the sun and a second wind for us. It's ok to take time to feel, it's ok to be sad; we just can't let it last too long. Warmth and blue skies have replaced the cold grey. We are enjoying nature, taking up a new hobby of bird watching and gardening. We open the windows and accept that we are not in control. We enjoy watching our children participate in the activiities they love. We are thinking of the beach and a summer full of memories waiting to be made. Bert is having fun finishing up his last season of coaching soccer before retiring to the sideline. Our sense of humor and laughing everyday keeps the daily fight with ALS a bit more tolerable.
Twenty plus years ago Bert and I watched a movie called Point of No Return starring Bridget Fonda. There is a scene in the movie when Bridget Fonda who is a transformed bad girl turned assassin is recieving a lesson in etiquette from a mentor played by Anne Bancroft. She asks Bridget Fonda's character what she does when she is uncomfortable, angry or scared, Fonda reponds I hit. Bancroft suggests that she smile and say something off hand, she suggests Fonda say "I never did mind about the little things." She makes Bridget Fonda say that phrase and she does so through gritted teeth. Later in the movie when an assassin job goes very wrong Bridget Fonda smiles and says "I never did mind about the little things." Years ago when Bert and I were dating, we attempted to cook a London Broil for dinner, it did not turn out so well; actually it turned out a little too well. As we sat at the tiny Ikea table in the stark white kitchen of his high rise apartment eating a crispy black London Broil on Acme paper plates, Bert looked at me, smiled and said "I never did mind about the little things." We giggled and over the years that quote became our mantra. It seemed to just take the edge off in situations out of our control.
One day last week after using the cough assist, dealing with a bloody nose and emptying an entire box of Kleenex , we moved on to the morning's tube feeding. After administering the feeding I began to flush the tube with water as I always do, I didn't notice that the tiny port on the the side had popped open, that is until the warm cloudy, sticky liquid trickled out all over Bert's leg and down the wheelchair. On we moved to the shower, I was going to give him one anyway. I transferred him to the toilet and adjusted all body parts to aim into the bowl. I began to clean up the mess in the kitchen and wipe down the wheelchair. I returned to the bathroom to find that things didn't stay where I placed them and a yellow stream ran down the toilet to a small pool of urine on the bathroom floor. Bert smiled a pursed lipped smile and in a soft voice slurred "I never did mind about the little things." Laughter followed as we wondered how we ended up on this crazy journey together...no time to worry about the hows and whys, a shower was in order.
I haven't given up hope or believing there is some reason we were dealt this hand to play. Bert believes and I quote "shit just happens." In either case when we feel like we are about to reach the point of no return we can just smile and say matter of factly "I never did mind about the little things."
#keepworkingtoalwaysfindthepositive
xoxo B&J